What the Fuck Am I Doing with My Life?

I want a big change in my life, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to fuck up my future or my relationships, but I don’t want to later regret a nondecision either.

I feel like I should be doing something else. I try to talk to my husband about this, but it’s never very helpful. Either his advice is no good or he takes it personally. And I feel like I bring him down.

There are so many things I want to do. My husband thinks it’s a waste to try to do many things; you only have one life, so you should use it to become the best at one thing. On the other hand, I think it’s a waste of time to spend your entire life doing one thing. What if you end up not liking it? It would kind of be a waste. But then again, it takes a lifetime to become good at anything, which is also important to me.

But how do you know what to spend your life doing? Like I said, it takes a lifetime to get good at something, and the longer it takes for me to figure out what to do, the less of a chance I have to become good.

I realized this is the reason why I don’t finish a lot of things I start. When I become interested in a new hobby, there’s the initial stage of “This is so much fun! This is so exciting!” Then I realize I’m no good at it and that it’ll take a lifetime to become good, and I don’t even know if it’s something I enjoy enough to make that kind of commitment.

And with video games, I feel like I’m wasting my time. “Playing this game isn’t going to add anything substantial to my life.” Or even if I can put that aside, I’ll get stuck. Or I realize someone’s already posted a walkthrough and I can follow it to get a perfect score, but then what’s the point?

I have a million dreams that all take a lifetime and only one life to live them all.

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1 Comment

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One response to “What the Fuck Am I Doing with My Life?

  1. Same here! But I have 2 inspiring freinds at school: Both are studying Japanese like me. And both are going to do something else after graduation. One is going to study photography and the other is going to learn confectioner (for maybe better understanding here the german expression: Ausbildung zum Konditor). I myself already am a kindergarten teacher (had a 5 years training/ Ausbildung at school + internships) and am at school again now.
    I’d suggest to do whatever you are in the mood to do. And don’t put pressure on yourself!
    Ich wünsche dir viel Erfolg und Glück! 🙂

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