The Quiet Days

Yesterday was one of those days where I just wasn’t “on.” After two busy days with early starts and late nights, I didn’t have the energy to handle anymore social interactions, which was difficult since I had a class to teach.

I spend a lot of time being tired.

I’m capable of being productive, social, relatively energetic. But once I’ve finished what needs to be done, I will retreat into my head. If I have free time after a busy day, I will spend most of it dozing on the couch.

And I feel really guilty about it. I know there are more things I should be doing, but during these days, I’m completely drained of energy and don’t have the will to do anything more than make coffee and eat meals.

That’s what yesterday was.

I think a large amount of the conflict from my younger years stems from my parents trying to make me behave like an extrovert and thinking something was wrong with me when I needed time away from people. I was often scolded by my stepfather for being too “antisocial.”

I also had the same pressure from teachers and friends, and I really wish they could have seen that what I needed was time to recharge. And I wish I had fought a little more to defend myself.

But now I understand myself better–what I can handle and when I need a break–and I’ll keep moving forward. That is, as long as I can avoid feeling guilty about needing my down time.

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